Marty Mattner

It was a sad morning on Thursday 6th of June when Marty Mattner stood in front of the players and coaches at the morning meeting and announced to the group that he would retire from his football career, effective immediately.

Marty’s hip had been an ongoing issue for many seasons. Despite the constant need for rest he battled through pain to play week after week, which was an incredible effort in itself, however it is the manner in which he played that made this even more impressive.

Marty could very well have used this ongoing injury as an excuse to not crash in hard but he consistently put his body on the line. Sitting in the hole in front of key forwards, time and time again supporting me in my role, and would then set up attack once we had possession.

We have sat next to each other on the team bus for the last 6 years and now I’m on the lookout to fill the vacancy. Mike Pyke was quick to put in an application but I’ve knocked him back. I informed him that his working/holiday visa, or whatever he is on, doesn’t warrant such privileges. Until an appropriate candidate comes along I feel it’s best that the seat remains empty and I enjoy the extra legroom.

Marty is going to stay on with us this season in a coaching and development role. Hopefully he will be able to pass onto our new recruits his great skill of ‘the chase-down tackle’!

The short-bread biscuit story

It was late Thursday night. The boys were irritable and bored as we filled time between meetings, physio and massages. Whilst we waited, Nick Smith decided it would be funny to set a trap. He took/stole a shortbread biscuit (see pic below) from the kitchen, scraped out the white icing filling, replaced the filling with Sorbeline massage cream, then conveniently placed it on a plate in the area where the players mingled. The trap was set!

We waited for the mouse to take the cheese and with the amount of players in close proximity it didn’t take long at all. Unfortunately no one saw who ate it, and no one admitted that they ate the offending biscuit.

One theory, and my belief, is that Shane Mumford ate the biscuit. I think that he didn’t chew it but swallowed it whole like a seagull with a chip, therefore oblivious to the fact that it was full of Sorbeline!
















Look-a-likes

From time to time people will come up to me and call me Sam, or ask about my brother at Collingwood, and I have to let them know that I’m not Sam Reid!

Don’t get me wrong, I am quite chuffed that some people think I only look 21, however last Friday afternoon things changed.

We arrived at AAMI Stadium on Friday afternoon for some training and John Longmire hopped off the bus. He was approached by a Swans fan that ran up to him and said, “Ted, can you please sign my footy cards?”.

Horse is now very happy that he’s been confused with one of the most attractive players in the competition, although I’m sure part of him must query that as a Swans premiership coach surely an avid Swans fan must know who he is!

Steve Carell

I was incredibly fortunate to spend some time with Steve Carell last week. I congratulated him on his Emmy award and he congratulated me on my Golden Fist award.

I offered him the ‘privilege’ of being a guest writer for The Richards Report but he gracefully declined my offer due to payment issues, in particular he insisted he needed more than a takeaway coffee and some banana bread.



Cleo Bachelor

Respected for his hard defensive work, Nick Smith has not only gained recognition in football circles but it appears he has also gained recognition in other circles too. Yes, the guy we call “Smooch” is a candidate for the title of Cleo Bachelor of the Year.

If he was a forward or a midfield player then no doubt I’d be straight onto bagging him, but as Smooch is a fellow defender I’ve embraced my double standards and gone into campaign mode to help a defender out!

Here he is in all his airbrushed glory.

The Bye

Now, at the half way mark of the season, it is great to have a couple of days off training and a weekend off with no game. It gives us players a chance for the body to heal those little knocks that we carry from week to week and a chance to have a mental break too. I’m heading to the Blue Mountains for a few days, then before we know it we’ll be back at training, working hard and then back over to Adelaide again this time to face Port Adelaide.

See you next at round 13!

Ted Richards

Twitter: @tedrichards25
Instagram: @tedrichards25