On Friday May 21 I was with some of the other boys in a taxi on the way to the annual Swans Ladies Lunch. I was still feeling a bit down after being left out of the team last weekend. The guys reminded me that there was going to be 12 Swans players to 600 ladies.

I did the maths.... Before you knew it, I started to feel a bit better.

For an official "lunch", I didn't see too much eating going on by the ladies. The ladies did seem thirsty though! For those who haven't been to a Swans Ladies Lunch before, then this is not your typical football function. Massages and manicures are on offer for free to all the ladies... this is not your typical pie night.

A lot of players' mothers and partners come along to the event too. My mum Joanna flew up for the lunch, and across the table from us were the Roberts-Thomson's and the Moore's. For  me, Jarred Moore, and the rest of players from interstate, it's a good opportunity for us to catch up with our mums. It's also really handy as my mum wasn't that hungry on the day so I had two meals... thanks mum, you're the best!

Craig Bolton gave the welcoming speech. Now, before I go on here, you don't have to be Einstein to figure out that I give out more than my fair share of ribbing to the other boys, and it's usually for public display on www.sydneyswans.com.au, this very website. I forgot that a few weeks ago I embellished the truth about Craig Bolton's love of Shania Twain's music. It turns out that Craig's got a good memory.

In Craig's speech he started with the usual welcome. He acknowledged our wonderful sponsors, families, Swans members and so forth. Then the speech changed course. I was mentioned, and he spoke openly of the ridiculous lengths I will go to make sure that I'm at the Ladies Lunch every year. He spoke of how eager and excited I have been for the past six years, whenever it comes around.

As the ladies turned to laugh in my direction, Shania Twain popped into my head and the colour of my face turned into a shade of red similar to the colour of Gary Rohan's hair. Credit where credit's due... Well played Craig! (For what it's worth it's all lies!)

The day's events continued. I'm proud to say that the trivia competition was taken out by myself and assistant coach Stuart Dew's partner Sarah Cumming. We beat Kylie Gilles who teamed with Jude Bolton, and Deborah Hutton with Martin Mattner. To win the competition I correctly answered that Dan Castellaneta is the voice of Homer Simpson. (Mum, you were wrong... all those years watching tv were not wasted!)

The band came on, and even though there was no dance floor, some ladies made a clearing and got into it. Gary Rohan claims he was dragged by a lady onto the dance floor against his will, but I find this hard to believe as the lady was five foot five, and in heels.

I was told a story by a Lewis Jetta fan who, along with some friends, went out a few weeks ago and they each purchased green shoes to wear to the games. That weekend they see Lewis running around in new red boots. They want me to persuade Lewis to go back to his green boots so they don't have to buy a new pair of shoes. Come to think of it, I don't think we've won a game since the change in boots so I'd be keen for Lewis to revert back to the green boots too.

The day's official proceedings came to an end. The rest of the players and I left the "lunch" at 3pm to get ready for the next day's game, but I had no doubt that this "lunch" was going to extend well beyond dinner for a lot of the ladies.